Have you ever been stuck at one of those awful family parties where an auntie or uncles asks why you’re still single and moan that you’re too picky? That’s usually my scenario, as a 27 year old with Italian and Portuguese family, I am subject to this scenario quite often. I’m often told ‘oh give him a chance’ when returning from a date feeling far from impressed. So I’m here to share with you why it’s good to be picky and how to shoo off any annoying relatives.
I’m not picky, really, I’m not. Essentially I look for the below traits:
· Cultured/ Foodie
· Family Orientated
I would consider myself to have the above qualities so I don’t know why asking for those in a partner makes me picky. I have been on loads of substandard dates over the years and could have easily been in a relationship had I settled for less, but for what? I remember the feeling of being in love and so why should I settle for someone who is ‘ok’ who may not have given me those butterflies? Or the fanny flutters as I call it. Now, asking for someone with only green eyes, blonde hair and muscly arms, that’s what I would consider picky.
Being picky shows you have self-worth and that you have standards for yourself
I actually believe not settling and waiting to find the right person actually gives you so much self-respect. I won’t allow myself to accept anyone less than I deserve and neither should you. If there are certain values you believe in and would want a partner to have these, why should you have to settle for any less? Yes it may take a while to meet them but I’d much rather be on my own happy, focusing on me and dating rather than stuck in a relationship with a pleb to just say I’m in a relationship, wouldn’t you?
Not wasting time in a pointless relationship
Being picky also means I have 0 interest or patience in investing in a relationship with someone who isn’t right for me or doesn’t share the same values as me. What’s the point in wasting a precious evenings if he slips in he doesn’t want children for example. I don’t plan to have a child right now but I know I want to in the future if that is what they want too. That also goes with the ‘spark’, usually if I don’t feel it instantly I’m cut throat and very quick to pull the plug and avoid date number 2, surely if there is no spark or physical chemistry/ attraction on date 1, how exactly is it supposed to ‘grow in time’?
This was like one guy I dated back in January. We went on a date to a local Zizzi’s in Ruislip, we had been talking for a good 2 weeks before and I had a good feeling about him. Turned out he had an awful Italian footballer style greasy ponytail. The conversation flowed, we laughed but there was something missing. He also wore this cringe ‘Italia’ 90’s scarf (….when he spoke minimal Italian). We ended the date him lunging himself to kiss me, while I tried to pull away, hailing down the Uber to save me. We didn’t end up going on a second date as I had to break it to him there wasn’t that spark there, but I felt even worse when he said he’d cut his hair for me! Anyway, I stuck to what I usually do and kindly declined a second date.
Sometimes I wonder If I will end up as crazy cat lady (who is actually shit scared of cats), but then again why bother going on a second date when they just didn’t do it for you? Never lower your standards to be in a relationship. It is better to be single with high standards than in a relationship settling for less.