Ghosting to another level

Who on earth sends flowers to your office the day before your birthday and then ghosts on you?

Apparently it’s not a rarity, a friend at work had the exact same thing happened to her a couple of months ago where she was dating a guy, he sent her a bottle of Champagne and just poof. Vanished. Disappeared.

Like wtf? Surely sending someone a grand gesture of flowers would suggest he’s keen no?

So I met Olly (for the first time after having spoken for months), when I was out once with work and he decided to rock up when I was drunk on Prosecco at the Slug and Lettuce in the Wharf. His decision not mine. He turned up, we chatted had a few drinks and I pretty much lunged at him, thinking I was irresistible like Megan Fox. Following that evening, he disappeared, (really I should have taken that as a red warning sign) and messaged 2 weeks after on FB Messenger with a Heyyy.

I went crazy. He thought he could just waltz back into my life unassumingly when he wanted. As much as I didn’t want to give in, there was something about him that I was just drawn to. We had had so many ups and downs since initially matching in September and we hadn’t even met yet. I wouldn’t usually give into this kind of shit. Show me signs you’re a fuckboy or that you aren’t 100% and bye bye.

Fast forward now to the beginning of December…I was unsure whether I would ever really see him as anything romantically as we had had so many up and downs but it was weird, I wanted it to work with him and I didn’t even know why.. so despite his odd disappearing act, perhaps we could just weirdly be friends. I obviously thought he was hot, but if would be safer to just be friends who would bounce business ideas off each other and get drinks.

We organised to meet on Thursday afternoon. I had taken day off as it was the Xmas party the night before. And boy that was drunken, but that’s another blog post all together. I woke up hanging out of my arse and I couldn’t really be bothered to head into central. We had scheduled for 1pm and feeling still half drunk, I messaged him to let him know I was on Bond Street, this was at 3pm. He was studying at the British Library (studying for the GMAT) and was kinda pissed I had only told him then. “Well I could just drop everything and run to you…I don’t like the sound of that” very odd thing to say, I thought. So I responded “well fantastic you do what you have to do”. I wasn’t going to run to him or beg for it, and it was as if he liked the self-respect and I won’t take any shit from anyone attitude that he decided to jump in an uber to meet me at the John Lewis Benugo Cafe.

Did I see this as a date, did I not? Either way, I ordered us a Prosecco (mostly to take off the edge of feeling like utter shit) and because he was making the effort to meet me regardless of me being 2 hours late. He took 20 minutes to get there after what felt like an hour. The date ( do I call it that?) went amazing (IMO  – clearly), we had loads to talk about, I was telling him about my business ideas and conversation was just bouncing back and forth. He went to touch my hand over the table. Butterflies. I hadn’t felt that in such a long time.

Making our way through the home section to the escalator, it felt like we were on a shopping trip for our first home. I know I probably sound crazy but it felt so natural, it felt like we were already together. Probably because of the bickering over the last couple of months. So we walk out of John Lewis, hand in hand search for food. And we kiss. After a meal at Wahaca we parted ways at Oxford circus, kissing again and joke about drunken me trying to kiss him before drunkenly like Kithhhhh meeeeee. Lol #Mess

So I get home, wash my make up off and get a text from him:

Tonight was fun 🙂 

K so when we weren’t speaking, I went on a few dates with someone.

I’ve just ended things with her x

So correct me if I’m wrong ladies and/ or gentlemen, a date that has gone amazing followed by that text, you would assume he is really keen right? We continued chatting about what we like in a person etc and I mentioned that no one hardly ever sends flowers anymore in the dating world. I mentioned it was my birthday on Saturday and casually that he could drop by with a friend. “I want to, but I have a hockey social”. I wasn’t too fussed, we had only been on one date and he would have met all of my friends. A bit daunting. So the day after I head into work, and at 11.45 I get a phone call, that I have a delivery arriving at the security gates. Omg he hasn’t actually ordered these has he?? Making my way I could see an Interflora van and the driver hands me this beautiful bouquet of 6 red roses.

The handwritten card read:

For everything you are

And

For everything you do

That was intense. At first I didn’t think it was him, surely he just told the florist to write something romantic. When I jokingly brought it up:

It was all me, if you’re going to do it, do it properly. You’re worth it. 

Grinning like a Cheshire car from ear to ear I got back into the office where people were ooohing And ahhing and I could just feel myself going all shy.

I went out that night with work and gushed about him with friends over drinks. I felt happy. Despite everything, he had done this for me.

I wake up the next day, no morning Happy birthday text. Tbh we didn’t Text every Morning, it wasn’t something we did so I wasn’t phased. And anyway he’ll prob message me later on I thought. Except he never did. I remember looking at my phone throughout the day like huh? I was disappointed. We had the highs of the date, to the flowers, to not even wishing me a happy birthday. Seriously, how do you go from one extreme to the other overnight?

At one point I wondered if I was demanding too much after the flowers, I don’t think I was. What did it take to send a Whatsapp. And not only that, we follow each other on Instagram and Facebook…anyway it didn’t happen.

Not all weekend.

He had suddenly disappeared. He was doing it again. By Monday I was actually over it all. Baffled but accepted something must have had changed for him to go polar opposite over the weekend. I wasn’t going to bother to contact him, I was trying to act all cool cucumber, but I just couldn’t take it any longer.

So, leaving the office I messaged him (I had to, it was driving me bonkers all day):

Me: Hey, is everything ok?

Me: if things have changed over the weekend, that’s fine I get it, it happens

(it wasn’t fine. How the fuck could it be fine??)

Me: I’m just baffled about it all

(I definitely was baffled, as were my friends)

After having seen the message for 15 long arse minutes, the ticks finally go blue and replies:

Him: I’m moving house

Him: I’m on my way to Birmingham

Him: I can’t talk about this now.

What the actual fuck. I know he had issues with trying to find a new place, but what?! How does this excuse going silent on me. And Birmingham? Was he on his way to meet a client or was he actually moving there?? I didn’t even have the energy to get upset. I have been disappointed over and over in the past that sadly it was kinda expected especially after the last disappearing stint. so I replied:

Don’t worry, I get it. Take care x

In hindsight if you’re dating someone and it’s terrible timing on their part, sometimes there is no point chasing or getting upset about it. What I realised was that it shouldn’t be this hard. When someone wants to be with you, you’ll know. It shouldn’t be difficult or both of you playing mind games. It’s simple. If you want to be with someone you make it happen.

Usually I would have said, oh it’s me – I attract freaks, but no I refuse to accept that. Having read The Secret over the weekend, if I proclaim, I attract weirdos, I will continue to attract them.

This story went on for far too long. But now I can finally say. THE END.

 

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